Are you still together physically...but may as well be living a hundred miles apart? Being separated geographically is not the only indicator of a dying relationship. Now is the time to get back together emotionally before it's too late and you're apart for good.
The first thing to ask yourself is "Am I committed to getting back the passion in my relationship that we once shared?" If the answer is yes, great; you're already on the road to save your relationship.
The next question to ask yourself is "Am I letting frustration with my partner's faults cloud my vision of his or her good points?" What glasses are you looking through today and in the past months? Are they ones that are super critical? A wise person once told me that every time I point the finger in criticism at my partner, there are three fingers pointing back at me. Try it yourself; hold your hand out in front of you. Now point at something away from you. Have a look at what your middle, ring and small finger are doing while you're pointing. Yes, they are pointing back at you!
It is vital that you are really honest with yourself about this. You can't change someone else, but you most certainly can change yourself. Sometimes, in order to save a relationship, it just needs an attitude adjustment on the part of the two people in it. And the first person to start with is yourself.
When my dear friend gave me the tip about the fingers pointing back at me, I began to see a pattern in myself. Whenever I was really discontented or frustrated with my life or disappointed in myself for some reason, that would be the time that I would become the most verbally critical of my partner. Is there something in your own self at the moment that you are discontented or disappointed with? Try pointing the finger back at yourself, so to speak, and identify what it is in yourself that you need to address, deal with or change.
"Nit picking" is a great term for constant nagging. Have you ever seen how small a nit is and how difficult it is to see? You have to focus really hard to be able to find it. Well being super critical of your partner is very much like this; your attention so is focused on all the little minor faults that you can't see any of the good points in him or her anymore. Remember this is the man or woman that you once felt passionately about. Think back to how you used to feel when you first kissed or how excited you felt when thinking about meeting up with them. Are you ready to do whatever it takes to get back together emotionally?
Now is the time to shift your focus and rekindle some of that passion. It takes about six weeks to change a habit. Set yourself the challenge to find at least one good thing about your partner every day for the next six weeks. Create a worksheet either by hand or on the computer with each week down the left hand side and days of the week across the top. Leave a space to write in one good thing that you find about your partner each day.
You may think this sounds like a bit of hard work; but that's why I asked you at the beginning if you were truly committed to doing whatever it takes to save your relationship. Isn't trying this six week exercise worth it if it changes how you see your partner and prevents you from breaking up? I guarantee that if you diligently try this for six weeks, you are definitely going to have a major attitude adjustment towards your partner. If you can't find anything good to put down each day, then maybe it is time to leave after all.
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